For about several months now I've been getting annoying newsletter updates from Relix Magazine sent to my email. Considering I have severe allergies directly related to the existance of "jam bands", I never would have purposfully put my name on their list. I suspect a friend of mine has played a prank on me. I have to admit, that is a good one. (When I worked at a Shinder's (RIP) I would take great pleasure in tossing all the new copies of Relix in the trash just as soon as we got them.) Anyway, I was happy to see that when you unsubscribe from their newsletter list, you have the option to send a message telling them why.
Dear Relix Magazine,
Although I was dissapointed to see that the Beastie Boys agreed to do a story with you, I was pleasantly suprised upon reading it. As I should have suspected, the joke was on you. Here is the deal: I never signed up for your newsletter in the first place. Secondly, and more importantly, I FUCKING HATE JAM BANDS. I love nearly every other style of music. Punk, Hip-Hop, Reggae, Electronic, Celtic, African, Country, Jazz, Blues etc. I grew up with public radio. My mother was a DJ, so I can't help it. However, over the years I have come to a well researched, very educated decision: Jam bands are everything that is wrong with music. (Don't wory, you're not alone. White power bands suck too.) I'll leave you with lyrics from the classic 80's song Deadhead by the Teen Idols:
-Drivin' that train, high on cocaine.
-The music is really lousy and the fans are lame.
-The only good deadhead is one that's DEAD!"
Now fuck right off!!!