11/30/08

Dear BikeNewBlack, Skinny Jeans & Poor Grammar

Dear BikeNewBlack,
I read Hot Dog Days all the time. (You went to high school with my cousin.) I can't begin to explain how excited I was to see that you decided to start answering emails on your blog. The reason I am writing you is because I'm a little out of it these days, fashion wise. I live in a small town in Northern Wisconsin and the closest mall is thirty seven miles away. I should mention that I'm a single man going on forty. I have been shopping for jeans online but I'm not sure I know what I'm doing. Can you tell me what the difference between "indie rock skinny" and "new school hip hop skinny" is? Should a man my age even be considering skinny jeans? Thanks! Keep up the good work so I can continue to live vicariously through you.
-Clueless in Wisconsin

Dear CIW,
First of all, Wow! You live vicariously through me?!? Ahhhh, thanks...I guess. Secondly, I have no idea whatsoever who your cousin is, but please, say 'hello' for me. Third, and most important, thank you! You, my friend, are the first person to email in a question.
It's funny you'd ask. I actually discussed a similar question with a friend of mine just the other day. However, I'm curious as to what websites are using this terminology to describe their jeans. Not that I haven't heard the terms before. Both styles are in the skinny category (obviously) and are labeled rather appropriately. I guess for someone living in the middle of nowhere it might not be so self explanatory, so I'll give it a shot. Indie rock skinny jeans, often made with "stretch" material, are ridiculously tight and form fitting. Like, I can see your cock and balls, tight. Despite the name, it's more likely they were made famous by fans of indie-rock than the actual indie-rockers themselves. In my humble opinion, IRS jeans only look good on very few people; mostly females and punk-rockers. New school hip hop skinny, often times labeled "slim," are still fairly tight, but with a bit more wiggle room, if you know what I mean. Kanye West and Chris Brown can be seen rocking NSHHS jeans on the regular. As well, new school indie-hoppers like Cage and Yak Balls, among others, have traded in their baggys for the tight look. Hence the name.
I work in an industry with some aging rockers and many of them, several years older than you, wear tight jeans. I don't think your age is a determining factor in this case. As for shopping for jeans on the Internet; I'd advise against it. When shopping for skinnys (or slims,) it's been my experience that you actually need to see how the jeans fit before purchasing them. Even if you've worn the same size of Silver Tabs (or even 501s) for years, more than likely the fit is going to change when going skinnier. Also, something as simple as the wash or dye of a jean can compromise sizing. Believe me, I can relate to your geographically challenged shopping situation. (Just ask your cousin.) However, driving 37 miles to the nearest civilization will be far more rewarding than Internet shopping. Being the single man that you are, skinny jeans might not be the only thing you take home from the mall. Good luck!

Dear BikeNewBlack,
i picked up one of your mix cds last summer...it was laying on the table at kieren's after one of the poetry slams...once in while i look at your shitty blog...i never left any comments because i dont want to create google account just to tell you that i think you're selv indulgent little prick...thank you shithead for posting your email address...i just have one question....who do you think you are?...i mean i do know woh you are but who do you think you are?...Bitch!

Dear...,
Just when I thought you didn't know any form of punctuation other than the ellipses (of which, I am a big fan), you went and used an exclamation point...and you even capitalized the b in Bitch. Excellent, my man, excellent!
Who do I think I am? Good question. Funny you should ask; I was just talking about this with a friend of mine. We came to the conclusion that I am probably not as much the things I think I am as I am the things other people think I am. Or maybe it was the other way around?

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