8/6/09

Dear BikeNewBlack, WAD (Wedding Affective Disorder)

Dear BNB,
I think I might have the opposite of Seasonal Affective Disorder; I dislike summer. This summer hasn't been as bad because it hasn't been so hot and muggy, but it has been bad because I haven't been invited to any weddings. I feel like I have a moderately-large group of close friends and whenever one of them gets married I am invited. But, outside of that circle, I don't think people like me that much, or maybe I'm just too shy and not very memorable to them. Should I feel bad about not getting invited to a lot weddings? Or, should I just be happy that I don't have to miss more important events like UFC 100 or spend money on wedding gifts, travel expenses, new outfits, and hiring someone to take with me as my date.
Sincerely,
Wedding Loser




Dear Wedding Winner,
Wow, there's a lot going on here. Answering this question is like sending my dick to a big butts sale with only enough money for one purchase. In other words, I'm not sure where to begin.

I'll gladly switch spots with you.

I'm in the middle of a wedding onslaught that's been wiping out my precious summer weekends one by one. I had to make a deal with the devil, so to speak. I told my gf that, of the four...you heard me right, FOUR weddings we were invited to this summer, I would only go to three. She said this was ok, as long as she got to pick which one I could skip. Of course, because I'm a giant fucking sweetheart, I said "okay." Not surprisingly, she picked the only wedding that didn't conflict with anything else on my social calender as the one I was allowed to miss. (Thus eliminating my chances of seeing both Tragedy and UFC 100 live on the same day [wedding #2] AND, this Saturday[wedding #3], UFC 101. {Wedding #1 was something too but I can't remember it.}) The upside to the gf picking this one (wedding #4) was that it's her co-worker's wedding. And because I didn't know said co-worker of gf, it would lessen my chances of looking like an ass for missing the wedding. (You see, in the BNB Book of Social Etiquette it's a big no-no to meet someone for the first time at their wedding.) Well, yes, you guessed it, my gf sneak attacked me and I ended up meeting her co-worker. And now, because, miraculously, it doesn't conflict with anything on my social calendar, it is "strongly suggested" that I go to the wedding. Ugh. Fuck. How did I not see this coming?

So yes, just be happy that you don't have to miss more important events.

But the next time you go to a wedding, don't "hire" anyone, just go alone. In my experience there are many advantages to going to a wedding Han Solo. As someone that used to be me once said, "I usually do pretty good at weddings, if you know what I mean."

In terms of the weather, It's called Reverse SAD, and I agree, you have it. Lucky for you, bummer for me, there's only a month left.

Thanks for writing in. Take care and good luck!
-BikeNewBlack

7 comments:

  1. i'll give it a c for clever.

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  2. i alwyaz get laid at weddinsg single snatch lookenfer men.

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  3. Finally. I was getting sick of seeing that damn squirrel.

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  4. I once did a buch of blow in a grain elevator and then got a blow job at a wedding on a farm. Oh wait that was my wedding but that wasn't my wife. Keep that on the down low. Good stuff brother!

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  5. ^was it a cow?

    BNB yer gf must hate you.

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  6. dick at a big butts saleAugust 7, 2009 at 9:45 AM

    opening joke was good. downhill form there.

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  7. I always do well at rest stop bathrooms, if you know what I mean.

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