10/21/09

Dear BikeNewBlack, Boredom Fail

Dear BNB,
So my job is really boring. I sit in a cubicle all day pretending to be busy. If I'm lucky there might be some data-entry or filing. Mostly though, I just surf the Internet all day and save the data-entry and filing for when I know the boss will be walking by. I tried blogging but I don't think I have what it takes. Plus everyone has a blog. I should know because I'm looking at them all day in between sporadic bits of data-entry and filing. Besides the Internet, is there something to do to keep myself entertained at work? In your blurb you mention playing practical jokes on co-workers. Maybe I should give that a shot?
-Bored To Death At Work

Dear BTDAW,
People that know me are going to think that you are actually me pretending to be you. Know what I mean? My guess is you are someone that I used to work with at my old job in Cubeland and you're ribbing me. I could care less if that's the case because I've had a serious case of Blogger's Block and this is just what I need. As you probably know, I'll jump at an opportunity to talk, or as the case may be-blog, about myself. (Which, rather than answer your question, is what I'm going to do here.) Sometimes I just need a little encouragement. So, BTDAW, thank you for that.

My current job is so busy that it leaves me little time for office pranks (sadly) or much else (other than blogging. [Insert smiley face emoticon to accentuate that I acknowledge the ironic punchline.]) I mean when a kid walks into my office and says "Hey, I have a really quick question for you.", what he/she really means is "I need YOU to take care of this -insert any number of really huge problems- for me without even the slightest bit of effort on my behalf." But it's cool. I was that kid once, so I get it.

Anyway, even when I do get the chance to pull a wee bit of a prank, I somehow manage to royally screw it up. For the last couple of months there has been a sheet taped to the door in the break-room for employees to sign up for flu shots. I thought it would be funny to put a celebrity name on there. (To any of my married freinds that may be reading this, I'm the guy that put Jimi Hendrix in your guest book. Love ya!) So I signed up David Bowe for a flu shot. That's right, Bowe...not BOWIE. Gawd, I'm an idiot. So at the last minute, everyone is running around asking who David Bowe is, not getting the joke because of my stupid misspelling, and even going so far as to call another one of our employees who has the actual last name of Bowe (how did I not catch that?) and asking him if it's his relative or something. And here's the kicker: stupid me didn't think about the fact that there isn't exactly an abundance of flu shots right now. Duh, that's why they put the sign up sheet up months in advance; so they can prepare. So now there's an extra flu shot sitting around, waiting for an imaginary celebrity with a misspelled last name, while some kid in a grade school is getting the swine flu. If ever there was a time that the much despised, greatly overused Internet meme Epic Fail applied, it is now.
Yours truly,
-BNB

17 comments:

  1. i had to read it twice. really wordy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It pains me to say this.....

    Epic Win.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You're horrible. A good writer/blogger but a horrible person. What makes it worse is were supposed to laught at this.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh relax. It is funny.

    Bravo BNB.

    Where do you work?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Juggalo Meth Dealer (Sorry, I had to)October 21, 2009 at 4:47 PM

    Who the eff uses terms like Internet Meme?

    ReplyDelete
  6. hw works at ocrk-n-role shcool.

    ReplyDelete
  7. nevermind i cant spell lolz

    ReplyDelete
  8. Two years ago I had the flu so bad I ended up shitting the bed in the middle of the night. I am 38.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I agree with what you say about Epic Fail being overused. ps-Really!? Really!? JK ps2- Juggalo Meth Dealer is the best name so far.

    ReplyDelete
  10. IM SORRY BNB AND IMA LET YOU FINISH BUT THE REAL ANG AND JB HAD THE BEST COMMENTS OF ALL TIME OF ALL TIME1111! AND JSHO IM SORRY AND IMA LET YOU FINISH BUT EVERYONE KNOW THAT WAS YOU TENDING TO BE THE REAL ANG AND JB AND SMASH APATHY HAD THE BEST FAKE OF ALL TIME OF ALL TIME!111 ASK NATHENS BFF GIRLS AND JOSH AND BROTHER IS DIET COKE AND IMA LET HIM FINISH BUT SENIOUR THESIS HAD THE SECND BETS COMMENT OF ALL TIME OF ALL TIME! IM SORRY BNB/NATHEN BUT NYC PUNK IS THE BEST KING OF PUNK OF ALL TIME OF ALL TIME AND THE MIDWEST MEANS NOTHING CUZ IT SEZ SO RIGHT IN THE BLACK PERSONS BIBLE AND IMMA LET YOU FINISH BUT GEOURGE BUSH HAD THE BEST NOT CARING ABOUT BLACK OPEOPLE OF ALL TIME OF ALL TIMES AND BASQUET HAD THE BEST BAD ART OF ALL TIME OF ALL TIME AND NOT THE IMITATORS LIKE BNB AND IMA LET THEM FINISH BECAUSE IMITASHUN IS THE BEST FORM OF FLAT TERRY ASK TEH REAL JB AND ANG AKA JSHO DIET COKE METH DEALER OF ALL TIME OF ALL TIME!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111

    ReplyDelete
  11. wow kanye that is fabulous. but what the hell does it mean? dont answer that.

    ReplyDelete
  12. @KANYE WEST

    OMG ALOL RAOTFLMAO!!!1 SRSLY, THAT IS LIKE THE BEST COMMENT I HAVE EVER HAD ON HERE "OF ALL TIME...ALL TIME." IM NOT SURE EVERYONE ELSE GETS IT BUT FOR THOSE OF US IN THE KNOW, ITS A DAMN FINE PIECE OF COMMENTING. AND LINKING TO ME WAS VERY CLEVER. WHATS THAT? OH, YOU NOTICED I'M TYPING IN ALL CAPS TOO. WELL IT IS "ALL CAPS DAY" (AS J-SHO* POINTED OUT TO ME A FEW MINUTES AGO) BUT I THINK YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT. GOOD JOB MY FRIEND.

    *LINK PLEASE!

    ReplyDelete
  13. JUGGALO METH DEALEROctober 22, 2009 at 10:44 PM

    BARACK OBAMA DOESNT CARE ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE

    ReplyDelete
  14. "He's a jackass."

    ReplyDelete