11/19/09

People With Kids Are The Worst Parents

Every weekday morning while I'm picking out a hot outfit--Levis, Vans, a flannel, maybe a striped sweater (temperature depending)--I have the telly on my favorite local morning news program, Fox 9. Yeah, that's right, Fox News. Mostly because they update the weather constantly and they have a couple of wacky personalities. Two of which I sometimes fantasize about having a threesome with. (Alex Kendall and MA Rosko, holler at me.) So this morning, as usual, I'm not really paying attention until the weather comes on (so I know if it's a flannel day or striped sweater day) when all of a sudden someone is talking about how you need to teach your children to stay away from bad people like drug dealers, or  murderers and whatnot, and I'm like "What, even though that's true, it seems a little too opinionated, even for Fox News." (I always talk to myself.) So I look up to see that the channel has somehow been switched and is now on a religious station. I'm like "How did that happen?" (See?) Then I realize that Alley is messing with the remote. "Ah ha, the culprit!", I say with a huge grin on my face. (There is no greater joy than seeing your young ones discovering something new.) Meanwhile, the guy on the TV keeps on listing all of these types of bad people to avoid--pedophiles, arsonists, rapists, thieves and so on--and then, right at the end, throws in "...lesbians and gay men." I'm like "Whooooa, hold up there buddy!" And he's continuing on about how "Some people think being a homosexual comes from your genes when, in fact, it's a choice and sinful choice at that." I had heard enough and promptly told the religious TV dude to "Shut the fuck up." Then I realized I had just said this in front of Alley, who, with her new found fondness for using the remote, is obviously at an impressionable age and learning some new things. I decided to roll with it. I looked her in the face and said "Shut the fuck up. That's what we say to people like that, Alley.  We tell them to shut the fuck up." The gf walked into the room at that exact moment and, with her hands on her hips, made a sarcastic comment about what a great parent I am. This got me thinking...I am a great parent! This guy and his parents and their parents and their fucking parents are the fucking bad parents; spewing ignorant, old-fashioned hate like that. Thanks to me, Alley will know how to properly deal with uneducated jackasses like religious TV guy and other likeminded idiots. She'll tell them to "Shut the fuck up." And she will have learned that from me. I am proud of that. Because I am a good parent. Thankfully though, Alley won't have to worry about jerks like that. Because she's a cat.

10 comments:

  1. I don't really think I'll be taking any parenting advice from someone who doesn't have kids. Thanks anyway

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  2. fuck school, fuck school, fuck my school.

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  3. The punchline is weak.

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  4. i miss allyecat aw sad. :(

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  5. This blog has taken an ugly turn as of late. I'm not so sure I like it anymore. If you were not my friend I don't think I'd even look at it.

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  6. As of late? It's been happening for a year now. It used to be poorly written emo shit and pictures of dead animals. Now it's poorly written purposefully offensive shit and pictures of graffiti.

    I agree with poopdick up there, the ending falls flat. As does most of his "writing."

    He is not a writer by nature and that's why he lacks the dicipline to properly structure a story. He's forcing it.

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  7. i always love that bnb has to mention what he is wearing.

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  8. and i forgot to mention.....
    @Senior Thesis
    Why don't you link to your blog then or put up something you've written? keep toiling away at that supposed novel you've been working on in between teaching freshman comp at the local community college. you fucking hack. At least BNB is an 'almost is' where as you're a 'never was'. until we see something creative from you, it's like the man said, SHUT THE FUCK UP!

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  9. Okay...no, fuck you. Learn how to consistently capitilize the first letter of a sentance before you start calling people out.

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