It takes many small swings to bring down the biggest tree

I just walked in on a conversation in the break room about how not to eat an entire pizza in one sitting. One guy was explaining that he likes to talk to his stomach, saying things like "Stomach, half a pizza will make us just as happy as a whole pizza." The other guy admitted to making a box of mac n' cheese, bringing the pan and a fork to bed with him and eating the whole thing while watching tv. Apparently this makes you too full to want to eat an entire pizza. Hmmm, interesting tactic. I imagine that would work. See, it's been really slow around here today. I've been killing time by thinking about what kind of jacket I would get, if I was to get a new jacket. So the discussion of pizza eating...or not eating, as it may be, was a nice break from thinking about jackets...which I am now back to doing.

I don't really see myself as a pea coat guy.

I just don't think I'm slim enough to pull off the double breast. (That's what she said.) Also, I'm not into the whole popping the collars thing either and I'm pretty sure that in order for the pea coat to be effective in cold weather, you need to pop the collar. Of course some might say that's what a scarf is for.

If I was to buy a wool coat, I'd be more inclined to go with the equally classic car coat; a single line of buttons and a more modest collar.

Plus, if you really had to, you could probably get away with a hoodie underneath, looking less obnoxious than it would with a pea coat.

I think my first choice would probably be the motorcycle jacket. Not the zipper version, like the Ramones or the Hells Angels, but the classic "naked" version shown below.

There are a couple reasons I've never purchased one of these before. First of all, they don't go well with baggier jeans, which I wore up until a few years ago. And secondly, again, the problem with this jacket, is that it looks better on skinny dudes, which I am not. Occasionally I look for used motorcycle jackets but I swear they are all sized for 12 year old boys and heroin addicts.
So yeah, I probably won't be getting a new jacket anytime soon but it was fun to think about for awhile. Now I'm gonna go home and try not to eat a entire pizza.


"Arnt you a little too old...

...to be writing your name on the window?" That one stung a little. Not really the part about scribbling on a frosty bus window having an age restriction that I have long since surpassed. No, it was more the part about me being old; apparently noticeably old. I think I gave her some generic answer like "You're never to old." To which the women, probably in her late 60s, replied "Well at least it's just on the window." Then she added "Right?" as if to insinuate that I might actually write my name in less desirable places; like on a wall or a building or something.
No, I don't write graff. However, the fact that she thought I might and wasn't pleased about it, made me laugh a little. Plus she just called me on being old. So being the jerk that I am, I just shrugged my shoulder and gave her a mischievous grin, as if to say "Maybe, maybe not?" Then I put my headphones on and wrote my name on the window again.

Almost immediately, I started feeling bad about our interaction. Maybe she'd had vandals write gang graffiti on her garage or something. Dang, maybe she had written her own name on her window and was just being sarcastic about the age thing, as she was obviously older than me. For all I know, she was probably kidding and I took it too personal. After all, I tend to be an irascible asshole sometimes. How was she to know that I'm overly and unnecessarily sensitive to stupid terms like "old" being applied to me? Before I got off the bus, I wished her a good evening; this time with a genuine smile. She returned with a genuine smile of her own and perhaps feeling bad herself, said "Take care of yourself, young man."


Nobody Beats Our Meat

You know how every now and then you find yourself in the kind of place that makes you realize why you don't go to the type of place that you just found yourself in? Well that wasn't exactly the case last night at Mayslacks but at the same time it sorta was. You follow me? I don't really like Mayslacks but I don't really hate it either. It's the kind of place that just exists. Normally I don't like the bands that play there and they almost always charge a 5 dollar cover. For whatever reason, I've always had friends that like to go there though. Anyway, our buddie's band was playing and there was a handful of good people to hang with. So last night was alright. I had many ounces of beer and I'm paying for it today. What did I learn? Nothing I didn't know already. Except that chick from Blaine, that wanted to do me, had a really bad tattoo. Sorry, no pics. You'll just have to trust me on this one.


The scene at the bus stop...

...this morning looks a lot like the scene in my bedroom on any given morning.
Relax, I'm kidding...there's no snow in my bedroom.


Party Hats

We had a "meeting" at the gallery last night. Most people, at my request, wore hats. We played black jack with pennies and receipts. Artistic renderings of conjoined penises were drawn; a High School Musical calendar as the canvas. Kinda hard to get anything accomplished when there are shots of Jameson and Crown being offered (or strongly suggested,) but I think we're having a group show in February; post Valentines Day and appropriatley themed.


White Onion

Every once in awhile you find yourself in one of those places that remind you why you don't go to the type of places that you just found yourself in. Know what I mean? Well, that happened to me last night at the Wild Onion in St. Paul. Although early on, it wasn't so wild, I had a feeling that this was the type of place that I would hate once the self-portrait, MySpace/Facebook picture taking crowd showed up to dance to songs like Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy. This eventually turned out to be true. However, we had several drinks by that time, which made it tolerable enough that we stayed awhile longer to observe the ridiculousness and critique fashion. What did I learn? Nothing I didn't know already. Except that apparently white pleated coats are really popular with the Grand Ave ladies.


Will someone please organize an intervention already?!

I wonder if when I'm a recovering fat guy(hypothetically speaking,) instead of just a fat guy, if I will relapse and do shit like this...

Come on people, this a real cry for help.

Loose your mind (part 2)...

...to this shit right here.


This Is A Love Letter~The Best Of 2008!

Two and half weeks into the new year and I'm finally getting around to this. Personally, 2008 was a pretty good year. I'm not going to rehash it here; it's all in previous posts. One thing I've learned from reading other blogs (and taking advice from my own readers) is to keep it brief. Catering to short attention spans is crucial to maintaining an Internet audience. So with that, I'll just get started. By no means is this meant to be a comprehensive list. I didn't see a lot of movies this year and most of the music I bought wasn't from '08. Hell I didn't even read a book that I hadn't started the year before. Still, don't you dare, for even a second, think this is a weak list...

Best of 2008
Pineapple Express...007: Quantum of Solace...In Bruges...Rambo (Panic-attack inducing gore. I suggest seeing it with a group of your buddies. And who doesn't love mercenaries?)...Slumdog Millionaire...Tell No One (US release)...The Dark Knight...Forgetting Sarah Marshall...Gran Torino (A little heavy on the racial slurs at times but all in the name of character developement.)...Indiana Jones & Kingdom of the Crystal Skull...Iron Man...Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist...The Wrestler (Best movie of the year, hands down. Rourke is back, and breaking your heart in nearly every scene.)

Pro Wrestling and MMA
The Figure Four Weekly/Wrestling Observer merger...attending the UFC live @ the Target Center...Edge & Vickie Guerrero...Faber vs. Pulver...Ric Flair retirement: match vs. Shawn Michaels @ Wrestlemania and subsequent ceremony on Raw...Knockout of the year: Rashad Evans over Chuck Liddell (Scary!)...Chris Jericho...George St. Pierre...BJ Penn...Frank Mir...Gina Carrano...Miguel Torres vs. Yoshiro Maeda.

Baby Guts-The Kissing Disease CD...El-P & Dizzee Rascal @ Triple Rock...Doomtree-self titled CD...Cecil Otter-Yellow Rebel CD...Jay Reatard-Singles '06-'07 ('08 release) CD...Suicidal Tendencies @ Station 4 (There was a time in my life I thought I'd never see ST. Went with my uncle. Jason, Josh, Matty and Jack were all there, as was everyone in the TC you'd expect to be there. It was like a TC punk metal scenester reunion, spanning 3 decades.)...Big Business w/Melvins encore @ Triple Rock...Jake One-White Van Music CD...Triumph of Lethargy Skinned Alive to Death-Old Jail EP and Bird Songs LP (Everything they put out is just amazingly great.)...Jaguar Love-Take Me to the Sea...The Streets-Everything is Borrowed...Atmosphere-Sad Clown Bad Spring EP and When Life Gives You Lemons You Paint That Shit Gold CD (In all actuality, probably my least favorite Atmosphere albums. One of the best albums of the year, regardless.)...Chicago Apacolypticrust Fest II...Wild Billy Childish & The Musicians of the British Empire-Thatcher's Children CD...Dillinger Four-C I V I L W A R CD (The D4 is the kind of punk I don't really like anymore BUT I'll never not like the D4. This album makes it easy to skip all the Midwestern copycats and stick with the real thing.)...Against Me! & Ted Leo & the Pharmacists @ First Ave...Dillinger Four's D4th of July show @ Triple Rock...The Cool Kids-That's Stupid Mixtape...Desobediencia Civil-No Hay Libertad Sin Desobediencia CD (Actually an '07 release but I didn't get it until this year. It's so good, it would be a shame not to make the list.)...Beastie Boys @ Roy Wilkin's Auditorium (Greatest band in the world. Period.)

Art: Sword & Gnome show @ the Back Alley Gallery, No Easy Explanation: Dave Witt @ First Amendment, Mud On Your Face: Peter Jadoonath & Jason Trebs @ the Back Alley Gallery, ...Day Old: May Day Cafe, Moose & Sadie's...Breakfast: Seward Cafe...Latte'-St. Paul: Brewberry, Cafe Benne'...Latte'-Minneapolis: One on One Bicycle Studio, Anodyne...Appearance by a famous person at my work: T.I. (Charismatic, soft spoken, honest, knowledgeable and gracious. A real gentleman.)...Girlfreind: Courtney...Website: Street Boners & TV Carnage.com (Addicting.)..Shit story: Fleet Farm, as told by Matty...Coverage of The Fest 7: Loren from scenepointblank...Late Night Alley Party: behind One on One bikes on closing night of the Bicycle Film Fest...Graffiti: Danger, UC, TKG, CSE, Isaj, Yayo...Post game promo: Kevin Garnett following the Celtics championship win over the Lakers...Place to find great road-kill: Wisconsin highways...Bar: The Hexagon (Good bands, no cover, cheap drinks and great people-watching.)...President Elect: Obama...Fashion comeback: Flannel.

So that's about it...for now. I'll play catch-up on some of the stuff I missed and throw out an updated list later. As always, I'm gracious for anyone that has visited this silly little site. I always appreciate the feedback, even if you hate it. With the arrival of 2009 I've officially moved into a different marketing demographic. Apparently I'm not supposed to like wrestling or cool shoes anymore??? Whatever. I imagine you'll still be able to count on me when you need a fix of self-indulgent arrogant ramblings, punctuation misuse, pictures of me with food, or the world's shittiest advice column. And now the official unveiling of my newest moniker...


~King of Punk (Hey, I've earned it.)

Here's lookin' at you "kid."


Happy (Belated) Birthday Me

Last night we had a late birthday thingy for me at the Leaning Tower of Pizza.

Matt was there, with a fantastic wood paneled button up. He got me a Cherri magazine, which came with two free DVDs. A step up from last years Club, which only came with one.

My lady Courtney, looking fabulous, as usual.

The man, the legendary Mr. Patrow. A Starbucks gift card and a subscription to GQ magazine. It's nice to know, when you leave one demographic there's another one waiting for you. I wonder what GQ says about flannel...

We had some happy hour beers and talked about wholesome things like St. Paul bar killings and shooting models-not with a camera, but with a gun. As in "You think you're so pretty; let's see what you look like with a face full of lead and a slug in your chest."

Jer was there too! Fresh from a vacation on Temptation Island or something. Not the reality show, but the actual place.

Matt had considered ordering the deep fried cauliflower as his meal and asked us to please refrain from judging him for doing so. We talked him into pizza and instead shared the deep fry as an app. Poppers too, which is a fan favorite in this crowd.
And finally, after a few more beers, the pizza...

Great friends, beer and pizza; what more could a guy ask for?


Does This Face Look Almost Mean?

I know you're all shitting your tight pants with anticipation but I'm waiting a minute to put up this years Best Of list. I'm holding out for the possible inclusion of The Wrestler. I haven't had a chance to see it yet but it opens here tonight. So by the end of the weekend I should be all set. Until then, here is a picture me attempting devil-lockage™ at an Italian spot in St. Paul-a city I am friends with again.

The rest of these are graff pics, also from STPL; taken after the Vampire Hands/Blind Shake/Birthday Suits show at the Turf Club last Saturday...which I realized is the exact same show I went to three years ago. With the exception of me not getting any frozen food from Grant Hart and everyone being three years older, it was pretty much the same. Well, maybe there was more flannel. Not sure how this relates but I'll mention it anyway; last night on the TV, they said that this year it's out with the Metrosexual and in with the Retrosexual. They were talking mostly about chest hair implants (???) and dudes wanting to look like Tom Selleck again, which I assume would mean mustaches too. Perhaps not so coincidentally, MSN says 'staches are back. Anyway, here are those pics I was talking about:


Welcome Back Cotter

The holiday/new years/birthday blowout has come and gone yet again.

Happy New Year everyone. Stay tuned, Best of 2008 comming soon....