6/25/09

it says jesus

...Loren (LG) Green told me about this sign...



...As I took the picture I thought to myself, "Is this to pedophiles what shoes hanging over a telephone wire are to drug dealers?" Think about it...

...Overheard on the bus:
"How your boos doin'? They bangin'?"
"No, they aint gang-bangin'."
"Yeah but are they bangin'?"
"Oooh, yeah. The youngest one is always shootin' at people already."
"That's why I'm glad I got girls. Males is different; the streets is always callin' them."...

...As promised, I wrote restaurant reviews from my trip to the edge of the wilderness...

...In other news...

6/23/09

Dear BikeNewBlack, Going Postal

Dear BikeNewBlack,
Sometimes the people I work with really annoy the shit out of me. Any suggestions? Would it be wrong to just shoot them in the face?
-Disgruntled Employer

Dear DE,
When I was in college I worked at this crappy Americanized Mexican restaurant. Not like a Taco Johns or Taco Bell but like the other ones that spell restaurant with and extra e at the end and tag on "& Cantina." Anyway, the owner was a mentally unstable alcoholic, whom also happen to have a penchant for hand guns. Some of these guns were kept in his office. It wasn't uncommon for this dude and his buddies to stick around after hours, drink themselves into a stupor and pull out the artillery. On more than one occasion the staff would come in the next day to find bullet holes in the walls of the game room and empty shell casings behind the bar. Well eventually, in one tragic event, the dude shot and killed his ex-gf's new bf and then attempted to kill both her AND himself but was unsuccessful. This didn't take place at work and the victims were not employees, but I think you get the idea. In other words, your question hits a little too close to home. (Details: here, here and here.) So, no, I don't think inflicting gun violence to their face or any other body part is appropriate in this situation.
However, since you're in charge, you may be able to find a way to take out your frustrationss that's both viciously aggressive and legal. Perhaps this opportunity arises disguised as an "Employee Appreciation Event" or something similar. Find room in the budget to rent one of those boxing rings with over sized gloves. Offer those annoying employees something everybody wants: a shot at the boss. (Make sure they sign waivers absconding you from any "unfortunate injuries" they may incur) Don't make your intentions obvious though. Make them feel like they are getting away with murder. (No pun intended.) Let 'em get a bunch of good shots in. You with me? Lull 'em in. Let 'em love it. They're looking at their buddies like "Wow, I can't believe it. Am I gonna get fired for beating my boss's ass? Who cares!!!" Maybe even lose a match to one of them that only annoys you a little. And then, when you get the one in the ring...the one that makes you see red at the mere mention of their name...the one who's voice makes the hair on the back of your neck stand...the one that is always complaining about time off and raises and how so-and-so sucked so-and-so's dick to get their position...you know the one. When you get that one in there, let 'em get one good shot in. One good shot that makes 'em feel cocksure. Now they are feeling confident. Now is the time! Deliver to them, what I like to call, "the 'accidental' beating of a lifetime!" But make sure they sign that waiver first. Thanks for writing in.
-BikeNewBlack

thee.n.o.b@gmail.com

6/22/09

Fisher '09~Da Reunion

It's a Huskies-Beavers-Lynch Mob-4B kind of thing. This time with more crow's feet and Canadian jokes.

Ten feet away from the campfire= Canadian Bathroom ("Eleven if its a deuce.")

Doritos= Canadian Toothpaste

Jeans, a denim shirt and a jean jacket= Canadian Tuxedo

A blue tarp with a hole in it= Canadian Prom Dress ("No, the hole isn't for the head.")

Bigfork, MN~6/19-21/09










6/17/09

if you insist

...I mentioned before that it may or may not be the Summer of Hate. After giving it some thought Ive come to the decision: Sure, why not?...

...It's funny: Crocodiles and bands of similar ilk (No Age, Wavves, etc.) are the kind of stuff old guys like me have been paying attention to over the last couple years. We're afraid of losing our edge, and when the new/next punk rock is found, we can say we were there...

...Ya know what; never mind. Disregard what I just said. I just took a walk to the corner store with my iPod on and it occurred to me: Dirty, Goo, Locust Abortion Technician, Loveless. The jeans are just tighter these days...

...Speaking of the new punk rock and tight jeans: Jerkin' is like the best thing eva! It's like being on a heavy dose of chondroitin and glucosamine while playing hacky sack without a hacky sack. Get it?...

...I found some women's shoes on the way into work today. There is probably a reason they were left behind. And that reason is called: Ugly!...

...I'm going camping in the edge of the wilderness this weekend...

...Also, I'm going to eat pizza at the Palace and breakfast at the Huskie Cafe. Afterwards, both of these places will have reviews submitted to Google Maps by yours truly...

...In other news...

6/16/09

in the beginning there is everything but hate

...On Thursday, months of me (aka Too Long) trolling Blognigger finally paid off: EXT...

...On Friday the gf had an accident in the kitchen: Bing, Bang, Boom...

...On Saturday, I rode to many places. One of them was the Oak Street Cinema for this:



...Did I mention I got cycling spandex?...

...In other news...