Everyone is old; but not one of them is punk. Inevitably there is always some newer band opening that the old-timers have to suffer through because they arrived at the venue super early because the ticket said "doors @ 7"--because when you get old you’ve become conditioned, by several years of staying in watching primetime television and being in bed by 10pm for the news, to believe that everything starts on time--and now they are shocked that it looks like the Buzzcocks won’t come on until…what’s this?...gasp…9pm. And, oh my gosh, that opening band was just too loud. Between bands, the house DJs do their best to get some energy in the room; but to no avail. When they play Anarchy in the UK, slightly-interested-but-sort-of-tired mom leans over and says, “I remember this one; The Sex Pistons, right?” Less-interested-and-more-tired dad ignores her and checks his watch. When they play Iggy & the Stooges people start talking about how the whole tax system in the United States is set up to benefit those that own property. When they play Minor Threat or early Bad Religion they may as well be a teenager telling their parents they hate them because people are willing to throw them the car keys if they will just shut up for a minute and go to the mall already. Hell, when they play Judy Is A Punk, even the old guy in the Ramones t-shirt yawns. Then the Buzzcocks come on and just when you’re thinking to yourself hmmm, well I don’t really need to stick around just to hear their three good songs, one of those old not punk dudes that you met once grabs you and wants to buy you beers so you’ll listen to him talk about the housing market and how maybe starting the ocean on fire was a good idea because after all this oil spill is some serious shit. So you sort of 'get into' the show and pretend you’re listening to this not punk old dude because he’s buying you beers, and the Buzzcocks do their three good songs and you figure it’s a good time to repay the favor and get this guy a beer for once; but he declines your offer and tells you he’s had plenty and he’s tired and that he should have left a long time ago. It’s at this very moment that you realize that there is no such thing as old punks, just old punk bands. That, and that going to see old punk bands is what it must be like to watch Lost: slightly confusing, a little bit disappointing, but mostly just boring.