6/8/10

Reader Submitted Content: Band Life-Scathing Sexpose!


I’m in a band. Big deal, right? Me and 75% of everyone else in this damn town play in a band. I swear my band has more drama than any other band in town. Probably because my band has more members than any other band in town. At the rate of growth we’ve hit, we’ll be folk Polyphonic Spree in no time! The other source of drama is that we have boys and girls in the band. Boys and girls who all either want to fuck each other or are actually fucking each other. I know this breaks the cardinal rule of being in a band, but some of us have very strong libidos and little common sense. Some of us--meaning me, for the most part. It also doesn’t help that we’re a bunch of alcoholics. But c’mon, I think it may be illegal to play country music sober. I’m definitely the worst culprit when it comes to the intra-band relations. At least I’ve stopped trying to get into my bass player’s pants. He’s too busy being in love with the violin player so he always shoots me down. Unfortunately, she’s also dating his best friend from college. And has been for like, 5 years. They’re practically married for Pete’s sake! But he cannot seem to get over her or realize that she’s never going to leave him. In his defense, she does nothing to alleviate his lust. They hang out all the fucking time and she emails him every morning and I’m pretty sure she just loves the attention. But I’m not one to judge; I love attention just as much as anyone else. I do have a serious problem with drummers. We just acquired a new drummer and he is fucking gorgeous. He’s also dumb as a box of rocks. Remember the overactive libido I mentioned earlier? It also comes paired with very little self control. And I happen to have a soft spot for both drummers and stupid pretty boys. So he practiced with us for the first time this week and after a few too many beers, his cock mysteriously ended up in my mouth. And most of my hand up his ass! I love when super hetero guys take it up the back door. I’d be down for future violations of his rectum, but only time will tell, I suppose. Now that I think about it, I appear to be the source of most of this band drama. Maybe I should quit the band. Maybe I’m what’s holding us back from fame and fortune. Or maybe I’ll stick around and we’ll just continue to fuck each other until the inevitable band orgy happens. Then we break up and never speak to each other again. Oh the shame!

-name & band withheld at author's request

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8 comments:

  1. more from this anonymous chick please.

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  2. GORGEOUS DUMB DRUMMERJune 8, 2010 at 12:31 PM

    You fist raped my ass.

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  3. Fucko, Just FuckoJune 8, 2010 at 12:53 PM

    "Future violations of his rectum" for the win!

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  4. Honey you can join my band. We could use a good cock sucker. But the only one getting anything up their butt will be you. Sound good?

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  5. " submitted by reader" riiiiiight.

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  6. ^^

    *"reader submitted"
    *right

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  7. Did J-Sho write this?

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  8. Well, she does love the man-on-man sex, but I'm not sure how she feels about heteros practicing gay sex.

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