Bros are like so totes misunderstood.
A friend of mine that plays drums in a punk band was telling me not too long ago that he and his bandmates have slowly come to the unfortunate realization that their singer just might be a bro. I asked him what led to this discovery.
“Well, for one, he insists on taking his shirt off when he moshes, and two, he really likes sports, and three, he won’t shut up about the chicks he’s fucked.”
Interested in this phenomena, I decided to start asking around: what exactly is a bro and why do people hate them?
Another punker negatively describe crust-core band S.S.R. as “a bunch of bros who only care about drinking beer and getting laid.” Ah, ok. A girlfriend described her brother’s friends as bros because “they love to smoke bong loads, play hacky sack and go for mountain bike rides.” Hmm, interesting. A recent college grad told me that “bros are the guys that sit in the back of class and crack jokes and are in college seemingly for no other reason than to have a good time.” Check. A former college roommate said that we were in fact bros because we would fuck with passed out people at parties and steal frozen pizzas from them and then ironically justify it by saying that “they are a bunch of jock assholes anyway.” Huh, well okay.
I was starting to realize that A, bros aren’t just cargo shorts and Natty Ice like the internets said, and B, hating on bros is just another manifestation of animosity against people who are living care-free and having more fun than you.
Bro-haters need to stop being so uptight. After all, bros are responsible for Icing, and if you ask me, that’s like one of the most genius party moves to come around in a long time. Not only that but it’s made it perfectly acceptable to drink at work, should the opportunity present itself.
Aside from the shirts-off moshing, it sounds like bros really aren’t that bad. I’ve come to a couple of conclusions:
If you don’t have any bros, well then, you don’t have any good friends; just acquaintances that you do lame stuff with.
If you don’t like bros, it’s because you hate fun.
And Bro, that’s not cool.