I watched Mark Zuckerberg on 60 Minutes on Sunday. He wants the whole world to be Facebook. Think about that. Three days before that I was sitting at the bar with two very fine folks that told me about something I missed out on because I wasn’t on Facebook. One of them said to me, “It’s time to give in or get left behind.” As I write this, approximately 50% of the world just status updated something about eating a good bagel or being sick of homework. I tell ya, Facebook is the Phillip Morris of the internets. The gf told me that The Situation made 3 mil this year. The Situation. And people are surely disillusioned if they think Jay-Z, Kanye or Eminem made the best record in 2010. On top of that, my doctor—whose kind of hot (no homo)—got up close and personal with my privates yesterday. Of course it’s a million below zero outside, so my penis looked like a raisin on coke. Diablo Cody was on the Chelsea Lately panel, which reminded me that I’m not famous because I never left the Midwest. And that’s total bullshit because I’m a really good writer and an even better actor. Like, the fuckin’ best.
No srsly, can everyone please shut off their Twitter mobile updates. It’s really harshing my gig when we hang out.