4/28/10

Dear BNB, There's Always Next Time



Dear BNB,

I fucked a guy on the second date and now he is totally ignoring me. Where did I go wrong? Was it because I kind of got him drunk and took advantage of him? He seemed okay with it at the time. Do you think he’s pissed at me?

-Name Withheld

Dear 2nd Date Fucker,

Here’s the deal:

When it comes to chicks, guys continually have to make compromises. Not just with you, but also with ourselves; and about things we would never tell you. (At first “I can’t stand her hemp necklace and the way her jeans flare out at the bottom BUT that probably won't matter when I'm getting a bj from her.” Which eventually leads to “Of course I’d like to hang out at your aunt’s house Saturday night instead of going to see some bands with my buddies.”) This is especially true if it means we’re going to get some pussy and/or maintain our position on the receiving end of said pussy.

He seemed ok with it because he WAS ok with it…like you said, “at the time.” It wasn’t the kind-of-got-him-drunk-and-took-advantage-of-him where you went wrong. (Getting drunk and fucking? Yeah, guys toooootally hate that.) Where you went wrong was in making him compromise himself by waiting until the second date to get laid. But he’s not really pissed at you; he’s pissed at himself for allowing it to happen. This whole time that he has been ignoring you, he’s been telling himself that there will be no more sexing betwixt you, but he knows, if he sees you again, there most certainly WILL BE, and that means more compromises. And more compromises mean pretty soon he’s going to develop feelings for you. Which, as any self-respecting guy knows, is one of the biggest compromises of all time: the dreaded having feelings. (“I wasn’t looking for anything serious.” Yeah, no shit asshole; nice job following through on that.)

Admitting having feelings for a chic is like an emotional damn breaking, leaving a valley of your former self to be washed away in a giant tidal wave of compromise. Next thing he knows, he’s married with children, living in the suburbs; his fixed-gear bicycle collecting dust in the garage (along with his punk 7 inches,) while he makes a 45 minute commute to work in a minivan. None of which would have happened had he not made that original compromise for the pussy. The same pussy he's not even getting anymore. Hell, the same pussy he doesn't even want anymore. He's compromising every aspect of his life because, now, he loves you.

Basically, 2DF, he’s totes ignoring you because you waited until the second date to fuck him, thus setting a precedence for a long life of compromise that he was not expecting.

Either that or he has a girlfriend.

In which case:

Two dates and he still hasn’t told you he has a gf, huh. He was probably waiting until after you fucked him. Unfortunately he didn’t thoroughly think through the part where he'd have to tell you about her, and since said fucking has come to fruition, he’s decided now is as good time a time as ever to start pretending it and you never happened. In this case, you’re the one that was taken advantage of. Total bummer.

Sorry about guys,
-BNB

4/25/10

Weekly Top Ten 4/19-25/10

New Feature. Because we know how much you like so totes care. These are the favs around HDD hq this week. In no particular order...

Japandroids-Post Nothing CD
Jaguar Love-Hologram Jams CD
Bukake Boys-2nd EP
Pissed Jeans-King of Jeans CD
St. Paul Spring Art Crawl, Lowertown-St.Pl, MN
Rave Revival (No, srsly, it's killing us. Literally)
Moose & Sadies Cafe Coffee, Mpls, MN
Risstetyt and SSR live @ Hexagon Bar, Mpls, MN
Minnesota Twins
Rolling Nowhere: Riding the Rails With America's Hoboes -by Ted Conover

4/23/10

Casual Fridays: Don't you know, you're last year's youth *







Thrash Fest 4 or 5(?), Profile Music (rip), Mpls, MN, '03 or '04

*Menace

Reader Submitted Content: Dear Guy Who Brings His Bike On The Train

Dear Guy Who Brings His Bike On The Train,

Why do you insist on bringing your bike on the train? Can't you tell it's rush hour? We're already packed in tight enough that we know what each other's deoderants smell like because the city routes every freaking bus that would normally go downtown to the light rail. Hauling that piece of junk on with you is not doing anyone any favors. I have to ask, if you have a bike why are not riding it? Is it just another accesory piece like your filthy messenger bag to complete your quirky guy I'm-not-a-hipster-but-I-really-am status. "Oh hey, look at me, I ride my bike to work because I'm soooo cool." No, more like you ride the train to work and bring that pink piece P.O.S. with you. You're not cool, you're just inconsiderate of your fellow transit riders. And what's the deal with pink? Like I don't notice you when your tire is scuffing up my Aldos, you have to go and have a pink bike? I find it difficult to believe you have to be downtown at this hour. What job could you possibly have downtown where you get away with dressing like that? You smell like window pizza. Now get off at the next stop and ride the pink bike the rest of the way please!

-Alex P.

Sent from my iPhone.

4/22/10

4/21/10

Gastro Non Grata 14 – Triple Rock/Hohenstein’s Appreciation Sensation


Gastro Non Grata 14 – Triple Rock/Hohenstein’s Appreciation Sensation
Sunday May 9th, Triple Rock Social Club, Doors at 6
$7 advance/ $10 at the door
gastronongrata.com

It’s been about four years since we started GNG and it’s probably time we started thanking all the people who help us try to break even . So this one’s for all our frieeends at Hohenstein’s Distributing and the Triple Rock Social Club. Without them, we’d have a pretty damn boring show.

As for libations, we’re giving craft brewers a break and moving into the world of Door Country Dutch Courage - Death’s Door Spirits is going to be on hand bringing mini-signature cocktails, moonshine stories and maybe a portrait of a rusty tractor in a field.

Our food guests won’t have to go far, the always inventive kitchen staff of the Triple Rock are hard at work in the lab creating vegan-friendly and vegan-unfriendly dishes that will definitely twist brains and make you smile non grata style.

For our musical guests, we’ve kept it in house – The Prairie Sons and Blood, Sweat and Beers both feature members of the Triple Rock Staff and American Penetration and Fiero feature employee’s of Hohenstein’s Dist.

As always, Northern Brewer will be on hand making and pouring gastrobrewDead Meat Door Prizes from Clancey’s Meat and Fish in Linden Hill’s will continue to be engaging, thought-provoking and useful.

Ticket sales will be limited to 250 people so there’s room for everyone to move around, drink samples, eat food and have a good time without having to push, so get your tickets before they’re gone.Tickets available from Triple Rock Online or from gastro constituents around town.

Sponsored by Metro Magazine, The Onion, Northern Brewer, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Heavy Table and Clancey’s

Gastro Non Grata is a labor of love brought to you by Craig Drehmel, Jeff Mitchell and Joe Belk.
-Craig Drehmel

4/20/10

R.I.P. Guru

Summer.
'89 or '90.
Yo-MTV Raps!
Doctor Dre and Ed Lover every day!
"These are the words I manifest."
HIP HOP HERO!
R.I.P.

4/14/10

Sweat-Soaked Blasts of Chaos

Thrash Fest 3, The Babylon Cafe (rip), Mpls, MN, 5/4/02.

Eight years later, it still ranks as one of my all-time fav shows eva. Lineup: Holding On, Caustic Christ, Tear It Up, Total Fury, Amde Petersen's Army, Vitamin X and 9 Shocks Terror. I found these pics last night...











4/9/10

Bombshell is like so totally the best thing ever

Not really, but she's def in the running; right up there with corndog quesadillas and jerkin'. I mean just look at this is court document making the rounds on the internets today. Amirite?...

(click to make big)

Casual Fridays: My, My, My!



4/8/10

RIP Guy Who Created Punk Rock



Billy Bragg once said something to the effect of, a man who determines trousers has no business in rock-n-roll. He was talking about Malcolm McLaren--who died today--who worked in a haberdashery when he “discovered” John Lydon, changed his name to Johnny Rotten and created the Sex Pistols around him, subsequently creating punk rock. (That last part has been argued since the dawn of, well, punk rock and I don’t care to get into it.) Now I loves me some Billy Bragg but I couldn’t disagree more. Fashion and rock-n-roll go together like my boner and black girls’ butts. Okay, well unfortunately that never happens; bad example. But you get what I’m saying; and there is only about a million years of rock-n-roll to prove my point. And don’t even get me started on McLaren’s impact on art, culture and economics. I’m going to see the Public Image Ltd. reunion tour in Milwaukee at the end of the month. It will cost me forty-nine dollars and seventeen cents plus gas and ten hours roundtrip to finally see Johnny Rotten in real life. “Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?” Let me get back to you on that. Either way, I’d just like to say: thank you, Malcolm.

4/7/10

Open Call For HDD Interns

Okay, what we really need are regular contributors but calling them interns makes us feel more important. Not to mention the idea of bloggers having interns seems absurd (like Missy Elliot wearing a sequined Code 13 tee shirt [vid] or Lady Gaga sporting Doom patches [vid]) and, in case you haven’t noticed lately, we love absurd things. We got the idea to get some interns from an email that came in earlier this week…

(I cut out the parts where she talks about being confused as to who BNB is and why we’re always saying “we” when we talk about HDD and who the “Nathen” is that the commenter “Former” Fling always references. [Which reminds me: where is “F”F these days?])

Dear BNB, Your not posting enough anymore. Plus your kind of old. You need an HDD intern.

Well we discussed it and--aside from mistakenly using your instead of you’re, not once but twice--we decided that she had, in fact, a fantastic idea. As summer approaches, we’ll be spending way more time on BBBBQs (bicycles, babes & bar-barbcue) and watching World Cup Soccer than we will on HDD anyway. Plus, as she was so kind to point out, we are kind of old. We can’t stay out late every night and stay on top of pop culture and be up on the latest fashion and go see all the rad bands and go to all the hipster art openings and keep up our steady regiment of using MS Paint to draw Hitler ‘staches on famous people anymore. So why not hire someone to do it for us?! We really need to move this thing to the next level, ya’ll. Some youthful energy around the office will provide a shot of much needed inspiration.



If you want to be a regular HDD contributor but don’t mind being called an intern (at least for a little while), start by sending an email to bnb@hotdogdayz.com. Serious inquires only. No, srsly.

4/6/10

Jesse James is the Tiger Woods of white people

And I thought Tiger Woods was a Nazi. Sheesh.

My sources (the internets [“Not a typo, Freshman Comp”]) tell me that everyone’s fav biker slut slash mediocre actress has the feminists in an uproar because she has yet to file for divorce.

My sources also say there is at least one, if not several, sex vids featuring Double J and maybe even Sorry Sandy herself, Hittin’ it Hitler Style©; and because of said vids, she won’t dump the dude, for fear that he will expose her as a Nazi Pound Rag©.



Of course she says there are no sex tapes and he says he’s not a Nazi.

(Dude claims he got “The Hat” as a gag gift from a Jew and that he’s even vacationed on a kibbutz, which, if you ask me, is the new “I have a black friend.”)

Who cares? I mean it’s going to be hard to top the sex scene from American History X, amirite? (Mmmm, Fairuza Balk.)

And Feminists, please calm down! Considering your nickname is FemiNazi, certainly you can see the irony in being pissed off about this.

I think the more important issue here is:

Is there already a band called Nazi Sex Party©?

Making White Power Whoopee©, no?

How about Hard-Ons for Hitler©?

Or Sig Heil Sex Tape©?

Okay, well then you heard it here first.

4/2/10

So Totes Mystic

From WMBs...



...New zine very soon, we promise...and an art series with lots of photo copied bullet belts...which I suppose is sort of almost exactly what the zine is like...

...In other news: babies taste good...


(Thanks for playing along, sweet Penelope.)

Casual Fridays: Melt